I love my own company, comfortable with the silences.

The conversations with my mind, the back–and–forth and counter arguments without any anticipation of hurt feelings and sulkiness afterwards, keep me grounded. I can breathe and think and dream and get things done; eat when I want to, bathe or not; and sleep on the cool floor, which I love.

I love my family, their company, the sometimes chaos with the arguments, grandchildren hanging off me, everything not in its place, the hugs and kisses and cuddling. I’m happy when the dinner table is full and we talk, serious stuff and foolishness, and we laugh. I crave this time.

Both are essential to my being, the solitude and the crowd. If I’m by myself for more than two weeks, I get antsy; if I’m around people all day every day for more than two weeks, I get antsy.

Married for life; just not joined at the hips

My marriage could never survive constant 24/7 companionship. That’s something many people would never admit.

Even when they get divorced after a few years, they would never admit that maybe, just maybe, the constant three/four times–per–hour phone calls; the emailing, messaging, and WhatsApp; the checking your phone when you come home to see who you’ve been texting; the meet you after work for drinks, had anything to do with it.

In days gone by, people had a chance to miss each other; to stretch out the time between quarrels and so cool down and reflect on whether who wins the argument is worth it.

In days gone by people had space. Kiss you goodbye before work, work all day without you constantly being in my face and ears, and come home after work happy to see you and share my day over dinner. A little cuddling while we unwind and probably a little reward before sleep.

People had a chance to miss each other, to stretch out the time between quarrels, and so cool down and reflect on whether who wins the argument is worth it.

Really and truly, if you ask the man to stop at the store to buy some milk, do you have to watch which one he takes out of the store cooler? So what if he comes home with the wrong milk? It’s only going to last a week, and if you have a need to quarrel about the wrong milk, then maybe something other than the milk is wrong.

Have confidence in your ability to make yourself be wanted and missed and loved.

People—married people, committed people—give your partner some space.

Give them time to remember themself— to clear their brain, to miss you. If you don’t stop intruding into their every minute, they will get tired of you and start to lie to avoid you and, in time, be with someone else. Stop monitoring their every move, controlling their social lives. Continue searching their phones and eventually you’ll find what you should not be looking for.

Have confidence in your ability to make yourself be wanted and missed and loved.

Children need space to become themselves

Give your children space to become themselves.

Yes, they need your guidance, protection from the forces out there, the dark side of the internet and social media; but trying to monitor and control their every thought won’t work.

They are smarter and more savvy than you think.

Talk with them as a family over dinner; talk with them individually while doing chores together.

Listen, really listen, and try to hear what they are saying about themselves, what they want and believe and why. You have many years on them and you don’t even know yourself sometimes.

So, cut them some slack and help them find the answers. I’m not saying to let them roam wild and deny their wrongdoings. I’m saying set boundaries, but don’t pen them in.

Listen and really try to hear what your children are saying about themselves, what they want and believe and why.
Cut them some slack and help them find the answers. Set boundaries but don’t pen them in.

I’m thinking, if I need space to be able to deal with others, don’t others need some space to be able to deal with me?

We need community for love, growth, support and security, but also need space for self reflection, thinking, and rebuilding our fortitude to deal with said community.