It is hard to explain or even understanding how giving away something together can make a relationship stronger.
My husband and I are polar opposites.
He’s hot when I’m cold, cold when I’m hot. I’m stingy and ultra frugal while he’s a spontaneous spender. Jokes that have me rolling over with tears leaves him baffled, while I consider his humour absolutely macabre. I could go on.
One of the few thing we see eye–to–eye on is charitable giving. It’s reinforces the bond between us when we plan how to share some of what we have with others.
It all started small, with clothes we were no longer using. Washing, ironing and folding, and then going to the Salvation Army’s Nest Children’s Home together. Then we added school supplies, then groceries for Christmas dinner. One year, when business was good, we funded some renovations.
Even though we have migrated, we still keep it going at The Nest and have added small but regular donations to several children’s charities where we live now.
He has his, I have mine based on our different interests, but we both agree on the giving. Somehow, we can always find something to give each year no matter what our circumstances.
At some point in all our lives we have received, and it is incumbent on us all to pass on to others the kindness and help that have benefited us. It is no cliche to say there is always someone less fortunate than us who could use a helping hand.
If we pull back a little from the daily absorption with our own lives and look with understanding at the lives of others, we will begin to notice that all might not be well with others and they could use a little help.
Some are too proud to ask, as I have been many times in my life. Some have no one to ask, no family, friends or community. Some are burdened by the judgement of others in a society where caring, understanding, and a chance for redemption are in short supply.
Sometimes you don’t even have to look far, it might be a co-worker, someone that you smile with at the market, or maybe even a parent. You just need to look keenly.
At some point in all our lives we have received, and it is incumbent on us all to pass on to others the kindness and help that have benefited us.
Many years ago, we took a 14-hour Greyhound ride from a trade show to Florida where we planned to get married. At one of the pit stops while we waited in line at the fast food joint, husband–to–be nudged me to listen to the mother and daughter in front of us.
They had sat across from us on the bus but I don’t remember them coming off at the other stops to get anything to eat. The little girl, around six or so, was hungry and her mother was quietly trying to convince her that a drink was all she needed, or she could have the chips but no drink.
With one look and without a word passing between us, the polar opposites agreed that this little girl was going to eat. I stepped up beside her mother and I don’t quite remember what I whispered, but I will never forget the tears she tried to hold back and the little tremble in the girl’s hand when she took her bag from the counter. Something so simple to us meant so much to someone else.
That shared incident of giving, our joint acts of sharing before that and ever since, is the bond that holds my husband and me together despite our numerous differences. It is hard to explain or even understand how giving away something together can make a relationship stronger.
I will never forget the tears she tried to hold back and the little tremble in the girl’s hand when she took her bag from the counter. Something so simple to us meant so much to someone else.
Yes, we did get married a few days later. We could only afford a registry wedding, but we had enough to share with some one else, and that was the present we gave each other and continue to give to each other to this day.
Please, care for others the way you would want to be cared for when in need.
