This topic is wide enough to warrant having two posts. The Changing Face of Your Relationship – Part 1 examines the changing dynamics as partners get to know and (mis)understand each other. It also looks at the daunting and harrowing prospect of abuse.

In this article we look at the ever-fraught financial matters (the source of most marital conflicts) well as the spicy side of relationships and what they portend for the future of your relationship.

Please reflect on these questions and answer each as honestly as you can. If any question upsets you, ask yourself “Why?” Is it the question? or, Is it what your truthful answer would be? Answer in your head if the state of your relationship is such that writing things down is not a wise move.

After a number of years into a long-term relationship, you begin to realize that some of your beliefs and aspirations are best left by the wayside if you want to maintain your sanity and achieve a fulfilling union. If you can accept the wisdom of the following gem I read years ago, you will save a lot of wasted time and energy that can be put instead towards making your partner and yourself happy. (I don’t remember where I read it to be able to give proper credit.)

A woman thinks she can change a man to become whatever she wants. A man thinks a woman won’t change despite all the crap he dishes out. Both are wrong.

For richer or poorer (maybe)

How much financial hardship are you prepared to deal with if your partner messes up?

When won’t you accept poverty due to your partner’s actions?

If you mentioned gambling, would you be happy to help spend the money if riches come instead? That is assuming your partner still wants you around.

How much of your time, money, and resources are you willing to contribute to making your partner more financially viable than you?

How much of your time, money, and resources are you willing to contribute to making your partner more financially viable than you? Do you know how to legally protect your “investment” just in case?

After how many years should your money and my money become our money?

Do you have a formal arrangement for how money is earned and spent in your relationship? Who is responsible for monitoring it?

How often do you review the financial status of your relationship?

Who has more authority to make financial decisions in your relationship? What would trigger a change in the status quo and are you happy with that?

Have you ever hidden money/assets from your partner? Why?

What if you find out your partner has hidden money/assets from you? Would your ‘valid’ reason for hiding stuff still hold?

Are you with a partner you don’t really care for (maybe not even like), but you continue to provide all relationship benefits for the privilege of social standing and financial security? Do you consider yourself bought and paid for?

How does your social standing and wealth change the face of the relationship in your eyes?

If you are in this position, what would happen if the social standing and financial security disappeared?

Same scenario, another couple; what are your thoughts now?

If you signed a prenuptial agreement to safeguard your partner’s wealth from you, what arrangement do you have in place to protect your future wealth from their grasp?

Do you know what is in your partner’s will? What if you get left out in the cold?

Till death do us part, unless…

How many sets of friends has your partner cycled through since you met? What are the reasons?

How do you feel about your partner’s “very close, good friend” that you’ve never heard of in the fifteen-odd years you’ve been together just turning up out of the blue?

How good is the sex in your relationship? How do you think your partner feels?

When was the last time you had a sincere discussion about sex with your partner?

Do you believe the sex can be great but there can still be an unsatisfied need?

What do you do to keep your sex life from becoming mundane? Where do you draw the line with what you are willing to do? What does your partner feel?

Who would be an acceptable person for a threesome? Which of you gets to choose?

How important is fidelity to your relationship? Enough to get up and leave all you have worked together to achieve?

Have you ever had to make a choice about having an outside sexual relationship?

How did you feel about your decision? Would you be able to take as good as you gave?

How long do you think you would be able love and care for a sexually incapacitated partner?

What about sex in the meantime? What accommodations would you be willing to make to fulfill both your sexual needs?

How accommodating are you prepared to be if the tables were turned and you could not provide sexual gratification to your partner?

How do you plan to deal with a sexless relationship if you both don’t get there at the same time?

So, when is infidelity acceptable or forgivable?

Where do you draw the line when it comes to forgiveness? What does your partner think?

What if your partner wants a sex change?

Done thinking about the state of your union?

So now that you have done a little prodding and poking, and courageously faced some awkward questioning, what do they reveal about you? What do you feel is the state of your union? Remember, as long as tomorrow exists, like in most things, you do have the chance to make it better or make a change for the better.